OUR PEOPLE

“Australians are very unfair in this way. They spend half of any conversation insisting that the country’s dangers are vastly overrated and that there’s nothing to worry about, and the other half telling you how six months ago their Uncle Bob was driving to Mudgee when a tiger snake slid out from under the dashboard and bit him on the groin, but that it’s okay now because he’s off the life support machine and they’ve discovered he can communicate with eye blinks.”
― Bill Bryson, In a Sunburned Country

*Please keep in mind while reading this that I’m completely aware I’m biased and politically incorrect. I discuss stereotypes and only write about positive things that appeal to and interest me, happily omitting everything else. I fail to mention any negative aspects about Australians or Australian society and this is all I’ll say about it: not all Australians are as perfect as I make out. We do still, unfortunately, have racists, homophobics, druggies, intolerant and uneducated people and of course those conservatives that vote for the the Liberal Party (HAHA JOKESSSSSS :p). However, this is MY BLOG and I’ll write whatever I want.

OUR BEAUTIFUL BOYS:

• Boys in utes (pick up trucks), country boys with Akubra hats (wide-brimmed bush hats), city boys in street fashion, hot tradies (tradesmen) and brickies (builders), miners with plenty of cash, sweaty sheep shearers in Bonds singlets (Bonds brand wifebeaters), surfies with that perfect V (muscles on the lower abdomen shaped like a V pointing south), heroic surf life-savers, gay boys providing the world with fabulous gayducation, army boys, top guns drinking Captain Morgan, sportsmen, hippies with a sensitive soul, boys in bands, cliché southern cross tattoos, metro boys who spend longer looking in the mirror than I do, lest we forget our brave ANZACS (Australians and New Zealanders who fought in Gallipoli in 1915), farmers wearing checkered shirts, boys with too many muscles at the Gold Coast (overcompensating?), bogans (uneducated/uncivilised/immoral/lazy people) who you take advantage of at the pub and receive free beer from until your boyfriend or friends arrive.
  

• Boys drinking beer and standing around the BBQ. Yum. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a female cook on a bbq (barbeque), it seems to be traditionally a mens only space and I have absolutely no problem with this.

• Boys wearing thongs (rubber backless sandals) EVERYWHERE. I do know girls who’ve had serious problems convincing their man to wear proper shoes for certain occasions. Some specimens of the Aussie boy are also known to keep wearing their thongs until the rubber wears down so low that parts of their feet peek through the sole.

• Boys in boardshorts NOT speedos. European men (of all ages and sizes) definitely favour the speedo, with no regard to the trauma they inflict upon nearby females.

• Best mates are divided and become bitter enemies when it comes to the State of Origin Rugby match.

• Boys playing pool in the pub.

• Boys out fishing on the boat.

• Surfers that wake up at ridiculous hours of the morning to get a surf in before work because they’re that addicted.

• Boys who wear the correct size button-up dress shirt (not like the Italians who wear them so tight the buttons look ready to burst).

• Boys who, in their spare time, can and will help you: landscape the garden; paint or renovate the house, fix the car/computer/bike/washing machine/whatever is broken (or at least take a look at it). These services are generally provided free of charge for family members and for everyone else… Aussie men will accept beer as currency.
  
  
• Our future doctors: Med students who take an esky (an ice box) full of beer to a Uni (university) exam so binge drinking can commence as soon as they finish. Intelligent and organised, our lives will surely be safe in the hands of these young men.

• They are dependable. No matter where they are you can always count on them to have an esky or fridge nearby that’s stocked full of cold beer.

• Unlike Italy’s complete and utter obsession with soccer, our boys like to share the love around. While Italian men treat only soccer as a religion, Aussie men can be obsessed with a great range of sports. Rugby, cricket, basketball, cycling, car racing, tennis and women’s beach volleyball are just some of the favourites.
  GIRLS TAKE NOTE: There is very little hope of moving an Aussie male from the TV once he has begun watching a game: the trick is not to let him BEGIN in the first place. No matter what you bribe them with you will not get your way as Aussie men are a savvy bunch and know full well that whatever you are offering, they can probably weasel it from you after the game anyways. Your best bet is to grab a beer and join them.

OUR GORGEOUS GIRLS:

• * For every type of guy I listed above, there exists the same awesome and beautiful equivalent of the Aussie girl. So just imagine I re-wrote it all about females, worded it well and we’ll leave it at that.

• Bronzed beauties in bikinis.

• Metre Maids at the Gold Coast (hot girls in gold bikinis who go around feeding coins into expired parking metres).

• Fake tan or real tan, these girls are always tanned, tanned, tanned.

• Girls who always have some Lucas’ paw paw ointment in their handbag (an ointment perfect for almost everything).

• Beautiful girls who work in retail stores and have the best customer service in the world.

• Girls who wear as little as possible in summer.

• Girls with a good sense of humour, who can laugh at themselves and don’t take things too seriously.

• Girls who played netball at some point in their life and probably injured an ankle but kept on playing.

• Girls who drink beer with the boys.

• Girls who are expressive and adventurous with fashion.

• Down to earth girls.

• Confident girls who can become outspoken if the need arises.

• Girls who are intelligent and switched on to the world around them.

•  Girls who are always ready for a good time and a new adventure.

• Girls who are not pretentious.

• Generally always have a water bottle with them.

• Girls who can dance the nutbush like nobody’s business.

• Girls who can run in high heels AND thongs (if we need to/can be bothered).

• Girls who go for what they want in life (or that night :p).

• Girls who enjoy (and are capable of) drinking a lot.

• Are practiced in applying makeup in moving vehicles: cars, busses, trains and trams.

• Girls who stay out to party even if it’s raining (that’s what water-proof mascara is for).

• Girls who are NOT UPTIGHT and will generally give anything a go – sports, new food, kinky sex games etc (That last one was a JOKE).
  BOYS TAKE NOTE: A very eloquent breed of woman, the Australian girl is also known to have razor-sharp reflexes and can be prone to slapping offensive men. She is also blessed with the inability to care about the consequences of such an action when it is well deserved so watch out).

• Conversation between 3 Aussie girls:
  
  Girl 1: (yells out of the blue) I JUST WANT A FUCKING STEAK!!! A FARRKING STEAK!!! (begins to cry)

  Girl 2: NO, A CHICKEN!!! LET’S GO FIND A CHICKEN!! I’LL KILL IT WITH MY BARE HANDS!!!!!

• Girl 3: LOOK AT MEEEE!!! I’M UP A TREEE!! I’M A KOAAAAAALA!!!(These girls were intoxicated. They were also all employed as English Teachers in Italy and were sick of eating pasta. I was the girl crying over the steak.)

Australians are THE NICEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. Ok, that was a big statement and I haven’t even been to every country in the world (only 12 so far). I have, however, met a lot of people from all over the world and honestly, the only others that I think hold a similar disposition are the Kiwis (New Zealanders) and Croatians.

Australians will take time to have a chat because we are genuinely interested in what you have to say and what’s more, we will actually listen. We are laid back and won’t over dramatise a situation or stress you out for no reason. We love to travel – wherever you go in the world, there will always be at least one Aussie waiting for you. We are strong and determined; we roll with the punches and keep on going no matter what hand life deals us. We are intensely supportive and if you have our back, we will have yours. We will bend over backwards to help one another because we would rather struggle together than see another in pain when we could do something to help. That is something we call MATESHIP.

We are honest, we give it to you straight, and we will (albeit sometimes begrudgingly) hand you back the 20 bucks you dropped while you were walking. We swear and drink too much and if you ever tried to give us a real compliment or thank us, we’d probably tell you to fuck off and get the next round of beer. We are proud of our heritage, DAMN STRAIGHT WE WERE ONCE CONVICTS (at least we were not bred from the prudish puritans, and really, the English were so uptight they convicted anyone for anything).

We are all “Bitsa’s“ – bitsa (bit of) this and bitsa that. Everyone’s great-grandfather or great-great grandfather was from somewhere else. We are made of many different races, cultures and religions: we are a special breed and we are all Australian.